The Power of Saying ‘No’
I used to be awful at saying “No!". I would always say “Yeah sure that’s fine” when all I really wanted to say "No that’s not for me sorry" or "No, but thankyou for asking”. Without realising, I was much more of a people pleaser than I originally thought and it was happening more often than I liked. I would even tell a little white lie as an excuse, causing myself more bother because I didn’t have the guts to say “No”. I see now that the people closest to me in my life growing up were also people pleasers. Sacrificing their own needs to please everybody else. Setting themselves up for failure and burn out by committing to something they knew they couldn’t, but felt too ashamed to simply say no. The men in my life growing up would also tell a white lie instead of admitting their truth out of shame. I felt I should ‘do’ things to please others and be apart of some sort of ‘moment’ when I really did not want to be there. I thought I was missing out if I said no, over time I was burning myself out and I couldn’t or did not know how to juggle everything together. We say yes more often that we realise. We do not say no because we do not want to disappointment another human. A lot of us grow up with no clear meaning of what the word boundaries really means. We think if we say no to another human they will in some way reject us. How silly is that? The majority of us would never expect another human to do something for us out of obligation. We often feel guilty to ask another for a favour (what happened to the meaning and sense of community here?) so why do we expect ourselves to do it to someone else? We do so many things we do not what too because we are so terrified to Speak Our Truth and are scared to disappoint others In all seriousness… would you expect your friend to help you redecorate your house if deep down she couldn’t think of anything worse to do with her special time? Would you want your partner to come shopping with you if they would rather watch the game with their friends? Would you really ask a new mother to baby sit your child when she’s adapting to mother hood herself? Or would you really ask your friends to attend a night out if its totally out of their comfort zone? I would only want my friends and family to help me if they really wanted too and not because they felt obliged too. I want it to be from a place of love not despair. I’m sure that’s exactly how they feel too. Healthy Boundaries Saying a solid but loving “No” becomes much easier when you have healthy boundaries set in place. The Holistic Psychologist really helped me to strengthen my work on creating healthy boundaries (and if you feel called to dive deeper into this topic, I recommend checking her out) In a nut shell, this is what setting boundaries means… No matter who you are, you may struggle with setting boundaries because growing up no one set them around you, you was not exposure to protecting your own energy. But that doesn’t mean you can’t start now! Setting healthy boundaries gives you the power to say “No Thankyou” to the things that are not your truth and gives you the strength to say a big fat YES to the things that enlighten you. For example… Do you find yourself saying yes to every night out with your friends because you do not gold the power to say no? You may struggle to say no when your sibling or friend asks to babysit for the night, but what you really need is a night off yourself after a full blown week at work.
If you cannot say no to others you cannot say no to yourself! Without you standing in your own power, you are giving it away to others. Question - what is it that fears you to say no? I encourage you to do some work behind these layers. It simply does not come over night. You have to practice what you preach and practice takes time. Just because you say no to people does not mean you are a bad person. HELL NO! You are a wonderful giving human that will look out for their loved ones and would go out your way to help them, I’m sure of it! I do nice things for my friends and family all the time and I do them from a place of love and because I want to, not because I feel I should have too. But, I now also say ‘No’ to things I do not want to engage in. Magical things happens when you reclaim your power back. Are you truly living your life or are you living somebody else’s? Have you mastered the power of saying n or is it something you’re still working on? Madison x